Night in the woods Part 6

So here we are, our last meeting together. If you are just now jumping into this conversation, what I have been posting in this series “Night in the Woods” is my uncensored, unabridged writings in class, in response to the subject matter. Our final class tackles the subject: “The Trials of Homecoming”
We read the tale of Odysseus’ Return and discuss its implications for the Hero’s journey…

To give some background, during a workshop many years ago with Virginia Satir, she encouraged all of us to unearth our deep, primary, beliefs about ourselves and our lives. You better understand what you truly believe about yourself and your life if you want to be happy, she had advised, because, she explained, those primary beliefs are what are informing your choices, your actions.
To my dismay, I discovered I was trying to build a great life for myself, when what I truly believed was:

You will never be loved
You will never get what you want
And you will be punished for asking for it
Well……. Good luck with having a great life if this is what you believe!!

So here is what I wrote.

My sweetest home

What does home look like to me.? Home. Can I be close, would I know if I was close.I am exactly where I am,that is my first truth. Where I am, where am I?
I am here sitting in my group, our last meeting. We are coming home. Home, the completion, the accomplishment of task achieved.
What is my home? Do I feel it? Do I need it? I travel with my home. No accident that since a young woman I have collected turtles, smart girl, carries her home on her back. But truth is I want to put it down, would love some rest some security safety and it is not here yet, that is not what I am experiencing but then, giving myself a little shake I say hang on a minute you are safe you are fine just this minute. I brought with me my three Beauties taken in Dublin those years ago with Ines, when I promised myself I would transform those bitter rules I was living by. Rules that Virginia Satir had encouraged me to explore to get to know. Unearth your deepest beliefs she had stated. I discovered I was trying to be happy with my Rules you will never be loved, you will never get what you want and you will be punished for asking for it. But my lovely ladies stand there, generous wise patient slow sensual, they tell me, child you are loved you are getting what you want and you are rewarded for asking for it. I love that I have found this photo once more. Now when I look at it I always notice that little girl skipping… there I am skipping with my love Ladies, being loved, being protected, being home.

Skipping with my love Ladies, being loved, being protected, being home.